WHEN NO ONE IS THERE

I'm sitting at my desk. Home alone. Those are two words that right now I both love and dislike. Home...that's a sound I love....alone.....right now I'm disliking. I'm thankful that I'm a writer because this is how I get my greatest release at times. I love blogs because they are a form of journaling. Most of the time no one bothers to read them so they are safe and mostly private.A thought crossed my mind as I listen to my itunes. Chris Tomlin is singing "How Great is our God" what an awesome song. As I close my eyes I can almost see God in all of His Glory. And suddenly I don't feel so alone after all.

I walked through my home after taking Stephanie to the Christian Jazz Cafe. I went from room to room just thanking God for where He brought us from. When we lived in the ghettos of Newport News Virginia, I had the faith to believe God would not leave us there. And in all things in the ghetto, we thanked God because He was so faithful to keep a roof over our heads. No matter how tough things were, we had a roof over our head and all of our needs were met. Sometimes we didn't have water, sometimes no heat but we had the love of a close family. We had food, and we had shelter. And what our home lacked, we found other places. So we never went without.Sure the devil mocked us...maybe asking, "where is your God now." and in all things, no matter how bad, I always knew, He was neigh me, even in my mouth and surely in my heart. I never lost sight of my dreams of being able to provide a better home for my family.

In 2003 God moved us to Atlanta into a nice 3 bedroom Spanish style split level home. I had stood in this very home while visiting Georgia years ago. I was there alone, (I guess that's the time when God can best speak to us...when we're alone and there are no distractions) Everyone was out celebrating Thanksgiving. I chose not to go. As I stood right above the den my spirit spoke to me and said, "This is my home." I think I smiled and thought no more about it. I guess 7 years later I was moving my family in. We lived there for 4 years and then God showed me another home. A little larger than this one. It was a 4 bedroom two story home in the center of a Cull-DE-sac. I always wanted to live in a Cull-DE-sac because I felt they were safer.

Not too much traffic. We moved in here with no money down and I never did pay the deposit of a little over a grand. But as we prepared to move into this home, the Lord showed me yet another home much larger than this one. It was huge. It had a marble floor and it had a winding stair case right in the center of the living room which was about the size of my entire home that I'm living in now.A mansion, that's what it appeared to be. The lights were not on because we had just closed on the house and got the keys. I stood at the stair case with Ben. We were both satisfied. My three girls came running through the front door and they ran and ran and ran and never reached me.

Ben and I Watched them running towards us and I said to Ben, "Finally we're in a house big enough where the girls have plenty of room" then I woke up.My emotions are moving from sadness to awe. God is truly an awesome God, He is not slack concerning His promises. And when you feel unloved and like no one is there, all you really have to do is remember that He is always there. He promised He would never leave us nor forsake us. I remember when my kitchen stove burned down. When the fire department wouldn't come...He sent someone to put the fire out. When I couldn't afford to replace the stove and chose to not just settle for any stove, God sent someone to buy me a stove much better than the one I had purchased for myself. My stove was bought used, but God gave me a brand new one. When I went to buy a car and things didn't turn out and I changed my mind, they were not able to put it on my credit because I wanted to give the car back....and not only that, I found a diamond in the trunk of the car. And not a tiny one either and it was real. (drug dealers car? I don't know...diamond thief? I don't know...but the diamond is beautiful)

I look back over the wonders I have seen and I have decided to write a book about my life with my best friend. God. I got the title to the book and the go ahead in my spirit last night. I have a new literary agent who is also my publisher. And I'm leaning totally on God, (Like I Use To Do) and at this very moment I feel that my breakthrough is at hand.

(THEN SINGS MY SOUL...MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE, HOW GREAT THOU ART...HOW GREAT THOU ART.)

I feel much better now.